As you have come to know, I write articles based on what is going on in my life. And right now I have major goings on with getting three of my little darlings off to school so they are not late. And this was not a new thing either, unfortunately. What was I not doing right? It didn’t take me long to come to the conclusion that this kind of thinking was going to get me no where. And so redirecting myself, I started wondering if maybe I had unrealistic expectations for their age.

With a new direction and drive, and one that didn’t involve blame casting on anyone, I was excited to find out if I was on to something. Immediately grabbed my Total Transformation book, which is never too far away, I began looking for the wisdom on what to expect by age. I use the workbook and the CDs a ton for reference.

Not only was there a chapter on age and behavior expections, there were also chapters on consequences and rewards. I will share later on what I found about the last 2 categories. However, what stopped me in my tracks was the different parent styles section. Don’t misunderstand me, I wasn’t going down the “I’m a horrible parent path again”, I just saw the answer to my “why” question this ongoing conflict in the morning. There were 7 different parenting roles that parenting take on. They are not bad things most they just don’t work to teach the kids to be responsible, accountable, or to change their behavior.

7 Permissive Parent Roles

The 7 different roles are Bottomless Pockets, Over-Negotiator, Screamer, Ticket Puncher, Savior, Martyr, and Perfectionist. How enticing…and then not so excited when I realized that I did most of these roles with ease. For the morning ritual, I was The Martyr.

The Martyr’s goal is to eliminate a sad, upset child. So they takover everything for the kid and constantly ask less from them. I recognized these parenting skills(?) in me and I wasn’t thrilled. James Lehman has a way of teaching in a straightforward way. It sounds simple and logical, you know the kind of stuff you need to have. And it is vital to have when things starting getting crazy.

Now, to get back to age appropriate behaviors, consequences and rewards. Heres how Mr. Lehman sees the different age groups.

Ages 5-9 - The age group has kids still liking being with their parents and other adults. Though they are starting to enjoy establishing peers relationships seperate from the adults, but still with their input. You would reward them with being able to be up later, stickers, and getting off from a chore. Consequences could be early to bed, restriction on TV or computers,

Ages 10-14 - Now they are working on how finding themselves. This can be daunting. Partly because they want to start right out of the chute doing it on their own (with no training of course!) and partly because they do still need oversight from their adults. Making bad choices to learn the hard way is most common. Rewards revolve cell phones and usage, more computer or video game times and planning the dinner menu. Consequences will encompass losing that sacred cell phone or time, TV restrictions, and most horrible, loss of time with peers/activities.

Ages 15-17 - It is imperative that kids this age are striving toward being independent and growing in this area. They are highly involved with their friends and activities that for older teens. You can use anything surrounding vehicle usage and phone/computer time as both rewards and consequences.

I only chose the age appropriate behaviors, consequences, rewards, and parenting roles that seem best suited to my current problems. There is more detailed information in the Total Transformation program if these don’t seem to hit your buttons.

Tags: Parenting

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